15 REASONS :: HUMANS ARE STUPID

After recently being exposed to unusual amounts of pop culture garbage on a intensely pixelated television, I’ve came to the conclusion about a few shows I feel perpetuate human stupidity. I clocked in some good time watching hours of reaction shots that peak in an alcoholic rage and I havent felt this soft in the head since I was born. Take a look at the 15 reasons I think We Might be Stupid.

1) Toddlers and Tiara’s

Nothing says long-term psychological child abuse like showbiz parents!

*WARNING* Extensive amounts of unusual parenting and habitual creepiness

2) Jersey Shore

The finest example of worst case scenario human relations.

*Uncontrollable vomiting and, in some cases “Death by Bad Taste”

3) Hoarders

The instant gratification of breaking shit and  making old people cry, is unfortunately intoxicating.

*May experience accelerated aging.

4) Man Vs. Food

Why shouldn’t a Self inflicting heart attack from eating a 20 pound hamburger wrapped in salami is interesting for some reason?

*Prepare a small bag and warm towel for Mud butt and continuous dry-heaving.

5) FOX news

“Middle-Earth” televangelism

*May cause judgmental, fear induced panic attacks around other races.

6) CNN

Our blood-lust for disaster porn and red letters is like the ESPN of rhetorical violence and unrest.

*TYPICAL SYMPTOMS: Revolutionary tweeting

7) The Office

Mediocre tales of witty flesh drones played by comedians.

*May cause munchies.

8 ) Gossip Girl

Over-styled drama students, fighting over genitals.  It will always remain ridiculous no matter how seemingly mysterious, or popular.

*WARNING* Highly addictive if pre-existing conditions include chronic stupidity and/or an ethics deficiency. Relationship may suffer. 

9) The Bachelor/ette Machine

2 whole hours of men and women who compete for sex, wrapped in marriage, saturated by free booze and meaningless inanimate objects. (Roses, Jewelry, Dates)

*Will cause “the wackness” if prone to bad jokes, and basic bitches in rayon and fake diamonds.

10) TMZ

The Lives of Dysfunctional sex symbols, narrated by the people who attempt to be recognized by talking about it. (Rhymes with LAME)

*May cause instant “stuck-on-stupid-syndrome” 

11) Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew

The lost and found of the entertainment industry.

*May remind you to extend your own suicide….until the end of the season.

12) BasketBall Wives

Precieved ex-Basket ball jumpoffs that aren’t actually married to anyone active in the NBA…showing the world there talents and changing the world with their selfless contributions. HA!

*Best if used with more than one condom.

13) American Idol

Stealing money from hopeful teenagers and ex bar managers has never had a better soundtrack.

*Rashes of silver jewelry and Medium “GUESS” jackets may occur if not ingested cynically.

14) MTV

…the fact that there is no music on MUSIC TELEVISION is the reason humans are stoopid. We seem to wanna watch hot people make out instead of celebrating MUSIC on TELEVISION.

*May cause untreatable Deep Ugliness.

15) MSNBC to catch a predator 

Number one watched production on their network?…wonder who’s watching?

*May cause unusual amounts of cursing.

CHEERS

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